put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
