listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
