Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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