I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
