Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
