It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
