Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
