Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
