he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
