its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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