I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
