This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
