Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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