bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
