I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
