You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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