i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you made out with another girl for some wings
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize