i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
