RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
