I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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