fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
