My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
