I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That reminds me...we need to get swords
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
