Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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