You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
