Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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