My nipple is on Facebook.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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