Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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