dude i'm inner monologue high
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
And then he peed in my hair
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