Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
