So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
