i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
