I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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