just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
