i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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