literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
