Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Please don't give away my fajitas
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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