I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
