70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
that is very illegal...i love you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
