Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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