I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
