Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
