do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
