Me too!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
