He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
