We won't sleep together?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
