You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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