I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
