Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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