How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
