I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
