Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
