all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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