another moral hangover. fuck.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize