Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
