I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
