This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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