Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
