It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
