Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
