omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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