Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
