I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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