Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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