2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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