Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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