she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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