If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
