You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
