shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
